Christmas Memoirs

Watching a child play with Leggos, I think back to the pre-Leggo era: Tinker Toys, Lincoln Logs, Erector Sets, or just plain wooden blocks; building toys that were better than Leggos, because it was I who played with them... and then a little tune pops into my head-- a toy tune unrelated to these toys, which were useful in teaching us all how to build, then to destroy, then to rebuild-- nay, this tune that pops into my head is for the most useless toy ever devised, the Slinky.

A slinky, a slinky, oh what a wonderful toy!
A slinky, a slinky, for every girl and boy...
Everyone wants a Slinky...

and I think about the Slinky, and how I got one at age 5 or 6, and I tried to make it go down the steps the way it did in the TV commercial, and it would only go down one step before collapsing and tumbling the rest of the way down, and at some point, perhaps in an unconscious rebellion against the fraudulent ad, I would stretch the Slinky and render it completely and irrevocably useless, and it would inhabit the toy box for a year, serving no purpose but to entangle itself around GI Joe's or half built Erector Set structures, and then the next Christmas season would arrive with its barrage of Slinky commercials, and I'd fall for it yet again, thinking that this year, with a bit more life experience, I would guide the Slinky all the way down the steps, but when trying again, the same result, and the same stretched Slinky, this same pattern occurring several years in a row until I finally cast the desire for a Slinky aside... though now, if I had one, I may be able to get the results I'd desired, with the Zen-like wisdom and patience I've accumulated over the years.

Here is the TV commercial that mesmerized me every year before Christmas, and infuriated me every year after Christmas:

If only I had a Slinky.