A blog about whatever with lots of digressions

Sunday, December 22, 2013

An Argument Against Smoking

In the office overlooking the back porch. Darkness falls. It is probably cold outside, but I am in a well-insulated house in Germany, so it is difficult to say for sure. Yes, it must be cold, because it is what the Western World refers to as Christmas time. I am about to have my second nicotine-laced gum of the day. Please wait.

I am back. Yes, much better now.

Take note: only the second nicotine-laced gum of the day. I am not a nicotine addict.

Meanwhile, here is a message for any teenagers who may be reading this. I may have glorified and romanticized smoking in previous posts. I now regret this. Smoking is uncool. I will prove it now. Here is a photo of a very uncool me while smoking.


Uh, no, that is James Dean. But... he is wearing a cowboy hat, which is uncool. So him wearing a cowboy hat and smoking is also uncool.
I shall try again...





Ah, no. That is Johnny Depp. But look, he has tattooes, which are uncool. I think. Johnny Depp is uncool, so do not be influenced the wrong way by that photo. Edward Scissorhands was a nerd. But you may be too young to know about Edward Scissorhands. Edward Scissorhands was uncool because he was a non-conformist. But you may believe non-conformists are cool. But Edward Scissorhands didn't smoke anyway, so it doesn't matter. But Johnny Depp apparently does. Uhm... Johnny Depp is a nerd because only nerds smoke. Yes, that's it.
Again...


Yes, that is me when I was a smoker. Need I spell it out for you, young person? U-n-c-o-o-l.

To continue this argument against smoking, I will now demonstrate how chewing nicotine-laced chewing gum is very cool compared to smoking. Here I am chewing nicotine-laced gum. Note how much cooler I am in this photo than I was in the previous photo:

Well no, that may or may not be cool, but it is irrelevant to my argument because that photo was taken only a few hours after I had quit, and it is not nicotine-laced gum, but cigarettes. I must stress to you that I did not light any of them. I wasn't smoking cigarettes, I was only only savoring them. Let's try again:

Yes, well, that is me, but I was not chewing nicotine-laced gum in this photo. I had just put an entire orange in my mouth, or maybe it was an entire hard-boiled egg, neither of which is very cool. Anyway, that is another irrelevant photo, just ignore it. Let's have another go:





No. That is a chipmunk.

Sigh.

Anyway, even chewing nicotine-laced gum is uncool. It doesn't taste very good and it costs, like, way more than normal gum. 

Just... don't smoke.

And now a pause as I simulate taking deep drags on an imaginary cigarette while grinding the last traces of nicotine out of my chewing gum with my molars.







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